Does connection matter?
I have been asking myself questions like this one a lot lately, and I think it might be the biggest one yet. Part of an awakening brought on in the aftermath of an isolating pandemic in which I find myself seeking answers. Perhaps a sign of the times indeed. I’m using this awareness to dig deep and fill in the gaps, the spaces that have felt empty and unknown. I feel that there is reassurance and comfort in answers although I realize that not all questions have an answer. Some questions, though, can be answered by a deeper knowing that we find when we actually connect to ourselves.
When we go back into our memories, we can see that again and again it is our connections with others that provide our lives with great meaning. Friendship is a form of wealth that can never be lost. The relationships we have are essential to who we are.
It is our connection to others as a whole, not just to those we know, that gives us a sense of belonging. Belonging is something we all want and in fact we all need. We come into this world so vulnerable with a great dependence on others to survive; we simply cannot do it alone. As we enter adulthood, do we ever really outgrow this basic need? Could the need to belong and the need for other form the basis of who we are?
With these needs comes a vulnerability that can take us down paths which do not always support us. False connections can feel like they fill that void but actually contribute more to a sense of disconnection. Social media “likes” are a great example of this. Although they can be nice to receive, do they really signify connectedness?
One day some time ago I was feeling particularly isolated and lonely, so I went for a walk. Fresh air always makes me feel better; it lifts my spirit to be in nature. Even in the heart of the city, I can still find lots of evidence of Mother Nature’s presence.
On this walk I found myself in an area with lots of tourists taking photos and taking in the sights. It was a gorgeous sunny day, everything vibrant and in bloom, and many happy visitors enjoying summer. As I found myself in this wave of tourists, I decided to seek out their faces and smile. I made eye contact and smiled with as many people as I could. I said welcoming words like “good morning”, “enjoy your stay”, “lovely weather.” So to an outsider I may have looked like I was running for office, but what I was really looking for was a sense of connection. These were complete strangers and yet the smiles I received, the warm and joyful looks, the “thank yous” and “hellos,” well I tell you, I felt so lifted and joyful by that experience. Not only that, but I also felt that I had brought some additional light into someone else’s day as well and it was powerful. The experience is one I will remember and it is not lost on me that I had a part in creating it.
Of all our human connections, I have come to realize that the connection to self is as valuable as any other. Indeed, our ability to connect to all else is impaired the less connected to ourselves we feel. Part of my own “comeback” was reconnecting with who I am, my intuition, my knowing and what I truly value and enjoy.
Creativity has been an amazing part of returning to myself; it is such a basic need and one that comes so easily to us in childhood. In a world of imagination and coloured pencils, singing and writing, home decor and water paints, I helped myself to become more mindful by valuing my “own” time. My creativity came back so naturally that I was reminded of how much I still love to do all of these things, that it was no longer something I had to put on hold or reflect back on.
Returning to creativity has brought with it an opening which allows more light to stream in and a deeper connection to who I am. Little things can truly be the biggest things, so never underestimate the benefits of taking five minutes to be with yourself. Even though at times we may lose our sense of connection to others and to ourselves, we must remember that we can always return. When we start there, everything else starts to fall into place and the connections we seek start coming our way. Remember you are not alone, you are never alone no matter how lonely you feel. Connections matter, so do you, and so do we all.